


Please Never Fade

by XetterYeonma (keusenon)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Based on an After the Rain song, M/M, Real Life, Supernatural Elements, Ten Years Later
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-11
Updated: 2017-08-11
Packaged: 2018-12-14 05:51:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11776800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keusenon/pseuds/XetterYeonma
Summary: I must be wrong, I must be wrong[For I cannot fall in love with you]It's been years, and Kai has found himself within Japan's society.Unable to love, nor remember the feeling, will it ever return?





	Please Never Fade

Sometimes I can still see you in the distance, feet on the rocks and hands in the air.

“Over here!” You would say, smiling widely without a care in the world.

“It’s dangerous.” I’d say, but I followed you anyways.

A never ending dream of fireworks and the sea, it was heaven with just you and me.

But before the twilight appears before us…               

              …before I could say what I wanted to say…

                             …before you could grab my hand…

                                           ….before your body becomes the sea itself…

…I wake up wishing that I never did.

* * *

           Working day and night to find a meaning in life, it’s painful to say the least. Despite it all, I never find myself wishing to return to my high school days. There was almost no point in staying in the past if everyone is moving forward.

              In this age where love is restricted by society, not by laws, and what you once knew became a dark void; it’s hard to say that life is enjoyable in this state. Even drinking with comrades from work or having days off with nothing to do, it’s just meaningless if you’re just breathing for the sake of living.

After all, the spark of positive light I had when I was young had faded into a single candle, trying its’ best to live in a cold world.

“Kai, you listening?”

“…Hm? Sorry, just a bit tired.”

              Here with a friend from high school, Kuroo was drinking his problems away with me in a small pub near our workplace. Even after high school, we found ourselves hanging out whenever we could. Even finding a same job together; must be a weird change of events.

“I can’t believe she dumped me, all because I’m friends with Kenma. Apparently she was just tryna get to Kenma, but damn did he reject her quickly.”

A laugh escaped me. Kuroo looked dejected.

“You’ll find the right one.” I took a sip of beer, feeling the fizz of alcohol in the back of my throat like soda. How long has it been since I started drinking like this?

“Marry me, Kai~ You’re the only person lately that I can feel like I can live happily with.” Kuroo was joking, obviously. I could see that his tipsy demeanor was messing with his mind again, filled with despair of lost and betrayed love.

“Sorry, I’m married to my work.”

“You workaholic.”

              These kinds of outings, where I don’t have to worry about keeping up an appearance of distance, it was relaxing. Kuroo must’ve noticed as well, as he started inviting only me and none of the others to these kinds of places.

Even so, there are things even my former captain can’t pry into.

“…Hey, let’s play volleyball again.” Kuroo mumbled, his head in his hands.

I gently put my beer cup onto the table, quiet before speaking up again.

“It’s impossible with two people.”

“Let’s make it three-“ Kuroo stopped, and I knew why.

“…Three isn’t enough either.”

              Despite the way he was talking, I knew why he said three. The reason why there was only two of us and not three.

Yaku Morisuke, our beloved libero since our first year, was no longer in Tokyo.

“It’s been ten years since then, hasn’t it?” I murmur, taking another sip until my cup was empty.

“….Yeah.” Kuroo sat back, adjusting his tie.

              The awkward silence grew larger and larger. It was true that Yaku was no longer with us, but it was mainly him not being able to be with us anymore. Death or moving away, it was neither of those.

It was as if he just disappeared from everyone’s lives and memories; except for us.

“Don’t you think it’s strange, that no one remembers Yaku?”

“…Yeah.”

              Kuroo had his own theories, but there was a time where his theories lead to us not talking for an entire year. Even now, all that remains is the two of us and the lingering memories that we were left with.

“We couldn’t even find his family or his house… It was as if he just….disappeared.”

“Maybe we were dreaming.” I’d say, knowing those words hurt the both of us.

“Don’t say that, I’m sure Yaku was…is still here! Otherwise, why would we-“

“Kuroo, it’s been ten years.” I interrupted him, a dark expression on my face before I stood up. “Let’s just leave it here, I’m tired.”

“Kai-“

“ _Obaa-san_ , check please. I’ll pay.”

              I ignored Kuroo’s protests as I gave the lady the bills, and made my way back to the train station with him. We were both quiet, and that was how I wanted it to be.

Of course I wished Yaku was still with us.

              His smile, his cool spirit, and the way he reassured others when no one else would; who wouldn’t forget about him? Apparently, the rest of the world did.

Even our underclassmen knew nothing of Yaku Morisuke.

“…G’night.” Kuroo murmured.

“…Good night.”

              And we both slipped back into our boring, everyday lives.

* * *

Kai…

              Kai…

                             Kai…

Do

              You

                             Remember

                                                         Me?

….

….Who are you?

* * *

            Sometimes, I had days where I felt Yaku’s name slip away from my mind. Nowadays, I can’t remember his face. It’s only when I have dreams of that twilight-filled sea when I remember everything about him. It was as if my mind was mocking me, telling me that I needed these dreams to remember someone who never existed in the first place.

His name, his family, his pictures and everything; nothing was left of Yaku Morisuke, the third year libero of Metropolitan Nekoma High School.

              Sometimes, what I assumed to be his voice would return to me. It would be during work or at home, when I walk or when I sleep. I felt like I was slowly diving into madness, and for what?

              For having memories that I don’t even believe anymore? For remembering someone who shouldn’t exist in the first place? And yet, my heart burns at the thought of this person…

…who was he again?

* * *

            Little by little, the dreams came less frequently. I found myself lying awake at night wishing sleep would come, but only darkness overcame me. What I was wishing for, I already had forgotten. My dreams faded away, and sometimes it almost started to choke me.

The only thing that remained was the colour of his hair, fading away like leaves in the autumn skies.

              The feeling of something meaning to exist was so close to me, but I could never understand why. Everywhere I went, the face of someone I used to love reflected onto my eyes before I can realize it. Even then, that face disappeared before I could even remember colours and shapes.

              Everyday, I would leave my apartment and go to work. Go drinking with colleagues or Kuroo afterwards and return home. Whenever I had days off, I would visit my family and spend the day with them instead of being alone. The thought of solitude somehow terrified me, despite living as such when I woke and when I slept.

Even still, I never felt truly alone.

              The name of the one who I desired so much, what was their name? Was it a woman? A man? Someone who was neither?

Someone who was not human?

_“I’ve always liked you, -------.”_

              I could never understand these feelings, even when going to mixers or having someone attractive speaks to me in that romantic tone of theirs. Kindness and appearance did nothing for my everyday life, and soon I found myself living a life of solitude that I rejected so much.

              While everyone else was getting married or being promoted, I stayed behind. Kuroo left to become a coach back in Nekoma after Coach Nekomata passed away just recently. Fukunaga became a teacher to deaf children, and Yamamoto worked at a bar. Kenma was working within a gaming company whose name escapes me, and as far as I remember, the first years I remembered fondly had become part of the Japanese National Volleyball team.

Out of all nine of us, only so few of us proceeded to the future we wanted in high school.

…Nine?

* * *

 

              The morning was filled with rain, and I saw the calendar marking off the days to remind myself the boring lifestyle I had begun to hold. Making rice and miso soup for no one but myself, I sipped my coffee and watched as the rain began to pour. The ticking within the clock on the wall kept going and going, waiting for no one and continuing as it pretended to live.

Maybe this clock and I were alike, but that was a depressing thought.

              Taking a look at my phone, I saw a message pop up from Kuroo. The date of August 8th, 20X7 flashed above it. He was just messaging me about some part of daily life that I found myself deciding to care in another time.

August 8th… For some reason, the sight of strawberry blond hair crossed my mind.

_“I can’t fall in love with you.”_

              Those words flashed in my mind with that colour of hair waving in the distance, almost mocking me. I found my head pounding like a thousand knives, resting my head in my hands as I try to breathe. What was there to think or see? Why was this so painful to remember something that I-

“…Morisuke.”

              I murmured, feeling something akin to nostalgia when I say that name. Even though I know not of where it came from, it still gave me a sense of warmth that slowly turned into dread.

What a curse this is, what kind of insanity am I delving into?

              The sound of ringing pierced my already throbbing head, hearing it from the door. A visitor, Or maybe just some kid pranking me once again. It was a residential apartment after all; there were more children than I can count.

“Coming.” I call out, gently pushing my chair back. My aching back from all those days working with a poor posture had finally took its’ toll with me.

_“Come over here, -------.”_

              The voice became clearer in my mind, almost as if I had experienced it yesterday. That expression that I never knew existed within that person… I finally could remember it, ever so faintly.

              The touch of his fingers, the way he smiled, cried, yelled, cheered, the way he captured my heart as if he was a thief of the mind; what was his name?

What was the name that I knew so fondly of?

              Another ring came, and I found myself gaining speed in the slow world around me. Unable to undermine this anxiety in my chest, I finally reached the door.

              My cold hands felt even colder against the handle, feeling the lump in my throat as I felt it slowly open by itself. The unlocking mechanisms were already off before I knew it. Bright lights shone into my eyes, and for a moment I felt as if I was blinded by light.

              Red and white clothing covered your body, braided cords and ropes draped around you like a celestial being from scrolls of Sengoku. Your hair was as short as ever, but still found a way to flow like time’s river. At your feet were sandals of gold and red, giving you just barely an inch of height that you normally wouldn’t have.

And there it was; the smile that I was ashamed to ever forget about.

“I’m home, Nobuyuki.”

              Nostalgia overcame me as soon as you spoke, and it was as if time stopped for just that moment. Memories of those years when we were fated to meet, until the day you disappeared like mist within the sunlight; it was all real.

              You opened your arms towards me, your robes hanging down like leaves of trees who’ve withered with years beyond their understanding.

And I found myself within them, my lips on your forehead as I felt tears fall.

“Welcome home, Morisuke.”

**Author's Note:**

> OK so this is a fic dedicated to all KaiYaku fans and also to my beloved aunty friend Dani whos so lovely and has written a lot of great things so im gonna plug her account here so that you guys can read her amazing writing ok
> 
> also i wanted to write something similar to the fic she wrote for me ok  
> http://archiveofourown.org/users/pilindiel/pseuds/pilindiel


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